So have you seen LORD OF THE RINGS yet??? Huh, huh, have ya'?!?! NOOOOO!!!! Well, jeez, buddy... it's only the bestest movie ever made. They gots Hobbits and Orcs and... er... other things.
Okay, so maybe I should actually pay attention during the movie before I mock it. For those of you out there that weren't able to see my highly apparent sarcasm, I should state for the record that I am officially sick of THE LORD OF THE RINGS. I mean come on... I thought all the hoopla over HARRY POTTER was bad. And before you call for my head brought to you on a platter by several ring wraiths, let me point out that, YES, I have seen the movie and, YES, I was adequately impressed by it’s scope and majesty. It's just that, after so many years of hearing about how this was going to be the movie that changed modern cinema forever, one is a little disappointed when presented with a better-than-average telling of a story that is really not that interesting. Now, granted, I haven't read the Lord of the Rings trilogy like everyone else seems to have. I wasn't raised from birth on the follies and foibles of Bilbo, Frodo and the gang. So maybe I’m not the best person to write an editorial on the subject, but then again, It’s my column, so what can you do?
For the three of you that have been living in a biosphere for the last week, let me give you a brief plot synopsis: There’s this ring, see, and it’s bad. Real bad. Picture in your mind a ring that’s really bad… this ring is worse. You see, this ring turns people evil, but not all people mind you, no… only certain people. I think. Also, it can make you turn invisible and when it’s put on someone’s finger, it cries out to be found by the aforementioned ring wraiths. Trust me, when the characters in the story tell it, it sounds less stupid. Anyway, right around the time the movie begins, it is decided by Ian McKellen (or “Gandalf” as they call him in the movie) that the ring needs to be destroyed. Of course, since it’s a magic ring, it must be tossed into the fiery depths of Mount Doom, which is located directly south of Mount Depression and to the left of Mount Irritable. So a quest is mounted, led by a plucky young Hobbit named Elijah Wood, who looks about as excited to be there as the rest of us (well, me anyway). As he and his Hobbit pals journey on, they meet up with some knights, a few elves, a cool dwarf with an axe and Liv Tyler, who shows up to look stunning for about fifteen minutes, then disappears from the movie before we can remember what a truly terrible actress she is. And that’s pretty much it. They quest around for awhile, fight some Orcs, then the movie ends. Also, Christopher Lee shows up occasionally to be evil. Oh, and they fight a giant squid for some reason.
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