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NIGHTWATCH: Clint's back and making fun of the Danes!!!

© Clinton Davis

Hey folks. First off, let me apologize for the total lack of column last week. I could say that I was kidnapped by communists or was stricken by a rare, possibly alien, virus that left me unable to write. Yes, I COULD say these things, but they would be only half-truths and fabrications of what really happened. In all honesty, last week was the start of a new internship for me, which along with my real job at the video store and having to review a couple of New Release movies for the other magazine I work for, left me no time at all to write this humble video-review column. I feel just awful about it, really, so I promise that this week’s article will be the best ever. And I don’t mean just the best one I’ve ever written, either. I mean it will be the best column ever produced by man as a species. Yes, even better than those snippy fashion article written by Mr. Blackwell. I’m just saying Quentin Crisp better watch his back. Okay, so here we go, best column ever…

So movies are neat, huh?

No, wait… HORROR movies are neat, huh?

Wow. I’ve got nothing. For all my bluster and braggadocio, I’ve got no goods to back it up. If this were basketball, I’d have just gotten a Vince Carter elbow to my face after trash-talking about his “Momma.” Well, maybe if I just stop trying so hard to write the greatest column ever, I’ll produce something worthy of, at the very least, your valuable time. So let’s stop dilly-dallying and move straight into our Movie of the Week! For our movie, we must venture into the frozen upper-part of Europe to a place that’s known as the home of Hamlet and Hans Christian Anderson. Yes, I’m talking of none other than Denmark, a city built to remind you that wherever you are, at least you’re not in Denmark. I don’t mean to just outright bash Denmark, it’s just that, from all the movies I’ve seen set in that city, I’ve gathered that it’s a place not unfamiliar with dark, deep, brooding depressions. Everything is gray, it’s always cold (summer, to them, is a thirty minute period in late August) and, to top everything off, the people speak a language named after a popular breakfast item. If I went around saying I spoke Hashbrown or Ham Steak, do you think anyone would take me seriously? No, so imagine how it must feel to speak Danish all your life. And it’s not like the language itself is beautiful and elegant. When Danish is spoken aloud, it reminds one (well, ME anyway) of someone with a very severe head cold trying to order a German food. But I digress… the setting for our movie is Denmark and the movie is called “NIGHTWATCH.”

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