CRITICAL CARE: The Anti-E.R.

First off, let me apologize for the quality of the article you’re about to read. No doubt it will be entertaining and all, but I must admit to you loyal readers that my heart is just not in it this week. “Why” you ask? Why has our faithful correspondent lost his passion for the written word, leaving us with an article that, while better than most out there, still falls below his normal standard of excellence? Well, I’ll tell you. I am sick. Now, before the bags full of get-well cards and sympathy cookies come pouring in, I must assure you that it’s nothing serious. I haven’t reached the “Brian Piccolo” level of illness yet and, though I am in a weakened state, I can still carry on with my copious amount of Playstation-related duties. In fact, I believe that what I’m currently grappling with is nothing more than a common cold, as opposed to your more exotic colds that leave you looking like something out of Stan Winston’s creature shop. No, merely a sore throat, a stuffy nose and a cough that would make any habitual Luckie’s user smile with a knowing grin. Anyway, all of this is to say that, if you find this article to be inferior to the others I’ve written, it’s because of the cold. Blame it, not me.

Now, let’s move on to the movie shall we. I believe that’s what we’re here for, lest I’ve been co-opted by one of the many gardening sites that populate the halls of Suite101. I mean really, how many columns devoted to plant-tending do we really need? Is it so difficult we have to get a vast network of horticultural and agronomic experts to guide us through each step? Just seems like a lot of digging to me. But I digress. The movie… since I’ve taken ill this week, I think this would be the perfect time to discuss a film with a health-care theme. Also, in the killing-two-birds-with-one-stone department, we get a film by one of Hollywood’s great directors, Mr. Sydney Lumet. This film is CRITICAL CARE, a very unseen, very under-appreciated movie from a few years back.

Switching tracks for a moment, I want to bring up the television show ER. I don’t know about you out there, but ER is, for my money, one of the finest programs on television. It’s fast paced, action filled and just depressing enough to make you appreciate your own life. I haven’t missed an episode in six years, firmly placing me in the “super-fan” category. So when it comes to medical drama, I know what I’m talking about. CRITICAL CARE is the anti-ER. It’s slow-paced, contains no grisly chest crackings and features very few utterances of the word “Stat!” In fact, there’s very little “doctoring” going on at all. The movie centers on Werner Ersnt (James Spader, in fine form), a young resident who is in the middle of a legal battle with his two sisters over the comatose body of their dying father. On top of that, Ernst’s boss, played by Albert Brooks in one of his strangest roles, has decided that only fully insured patients will be treated at his hospital. Also, and for no apparent reason, Wallace Shawn and Anne Bancroft pop up to deliver monologues. If you feel like cutting ten minutes off of the running time, feel free to fast forward through Bancroft’s monologue. It has very little to do with the movie and, to boot, is quite boring. Shawn’s, however, is very funny and a nice addition to the movie. Remember: Shawn = Good; Bancroft = Bad. The thing that appealed to me about this movie is, I think, the fact that I AM such a big fan of ER. On the show, they very rarely get in-depth about the business side of the hospital, tending to focus more on the guy with the rebar through his abdomen. And for that, I salute them. However, it’s nice to see a medical film focus on that aspect. I should also say that this film is really not for everyone. Joe and Jane Normal will probably find the pace a tad on the sluggish side, causing them to flip back to the TNT showing of TANGO AND CASH. Not that I’m passing judgement in any way. TANGO AND CASH is a fine film, for what it is. I’m just saying, if that is one of your favorite films, you might want to consider skipping CRITICAL CARE and stick to movies where things explode at regular intervals.