THE STORY OF RIKKI: A manly movie for manly men

Last week, as some of you may remember, I did an article aimed squarely at the ladies in my audience. If that article were an animal, it would have been a furry, cuddly kitten that did cute tricks and wore fetching bows. Kittens are great, there’s no denying that, but after awhile, they grow tiresome, as anything cute does. I mean, look at how quickly an adoring nation turned on Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. One minute, they’re on top of the world, drinking thousand-dollar apple juice from solid gold “sippy-cups.” Next thing you know, they’ve been relegated to the bargain basement racks of straight-to-tape videos, forced to ply their trades in a hot and sweaty market where a rabid Telletubbie lurks behind every corner. And also, they’re addicted to heroin. I think… I really don’t read the news much or ever. My point is, there are times when cute just won’t cut it. There are times when you must put down that fluffy kitten and go twelve rounds with a mean, hungry rottweiller that likes the taste of blood, yours in particular. So it’s in that spirit that I present this weeks film, a nasty piece of gruesome carnage that is guaranteed to make even the most hardened of souls turn away in disgust. This film contains mortal fisticuffs, removals of limbs from torsos, bludgeonings, explosions, various forms of mutilations and even a particularly nasty scene involving an industrial-sized meat grinder. Ladies, run to your safe land of Romantic Comedies where you can take shelter in the shadow of your twin rulers Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts. Men, stick around, because this week we take a look at THE STORY OF RIKKI, on of the greatest piece of gore ever. The plot is fairly standard, as plots go. Rikki, our hero, is a master of Kung-Fu and, while protecting his girlfriend, accidentally kills a guy. The guy he kills is a powerful ganglord type so his minions get Rikki sent to prison. In prison Rikki must use his unique brand of fighting to protect some of the more innocent criminals and also to uncover massive corruption in the prison. As I said, not exactly the most original storyline in the world. Hell, plop Chuck Norris or even Brian Bosworth in to that same plot and you’ve got a fine evening of Cinemax viewing on your hands. However, as is so often the case, the plot is totally irrelevant. They could have been putting an impromptu performance of “Babes in Arms” for all I cared, as long as they kept the gore intact. You see, this “unique” fighting style that Rikki has allows him to be able to punch through people, crush people’s heads, etc, etc. And we see every bit of it up on screen. For example, during a brawl in the prison shower, Rikki punches through the stomach of a big, fat prison tough-guy. It’s gory and horrible, but then the big, fat prison tough-guy pulls out his own intestines and tries to strangle Rikki with them. Now, I urge you to find me another movie that can boast similar scenes. Okay, STEEL MAGNOLIAS, but that’s it.

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