BATTLE ROYALE: The holy grail of bootleg tapes
These kids today, with their running around and their soda pop and their trenchcoats covering up their shotguns while they listen to the “Hip-Hop-Metal-Rap-Pop” bands while they leave their socks on the counter next to the cartridges of their favorite video game entitled, The Bloody Slaughter VI: Bones a’ Poppin! It just seems like we can’t control them like we used to. I remember, back in my day as a lad, things were different. The year was 1998; the halcyon days, as we called them back then, though none of us could spell “Halcyon” with out the aide of the smart kid from our class, named Nathaniel, whose parents didn’t own a TV and made him attend church four times a week, whether he needed it or not. We never shot up a school or shot up IN school back then… no, we spent our time dancing “The Grind” at sock-hops and spinning the new Smashing Pumpkins 45’ on our phonographs. Ahhh… it was a time. But now, things just aren’t the same. Our nations youth are out of control, and if not, then at least in a mild tailspin. We as a nation need to gently tap the breaks of our children’s future and turn the wheel of guidance in to the skid, therefore righting their car of destiny and putting it firmly back on the road to good living.
How should we do that? How should we do all the things that were mentioned above in that rather sharp swerving-car-is-our-children’s-future metaphor? Well, funny you should ask, because I happen to have a fool-proof solution to the problem. Here’s what we do: Take one class of Junior High students out of the entire nation and place them on an island where they’re forced to kill each other until only one remains. Is that a great idea or what? Where are you going? What authorities?
But, I jest. In all actuality, that would be a bad thing, done only by a madman or Trent Lott. No, that nightmarish scenario is in fact the plotline to a movie called BATTLE ROYALE, which by coincidence, is the movie reviewed this week. BATTLE ROYALE, or B.R. as it’s known to it’s friends, comes to us from Japan, that wacky country that brought us honorable suicide and psychedelic cartoons. Over there in the land of the rising sun, this movie has caused quite a stir, what with the kids killing kids bit being integral to the plot. In fact, it caused such a flap that the Japanese parliament took some time off from accepting bribes to actually ban it and confiscate any prints it could get it’s hands on. Of course, this has only made the movie more popular. When the whole banning thing was first being discussed, the ticket sales for the movie jumped 100%, simply because everyone wanted to see what all the fuss was about. You’d think that those in charge would learn that banning things only make them more popular, but no, to learn that would mean they were wrong about something and, Heavens, what would happen to the world then?
Latest Articles