Just in case you haven't caught the movie on television yet, here is a preview:
Brenda Baker: Can you remember to turn off the stove in twenty minutes?
Samantha: I can remember lots of things.
Randy: Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It's bad for your complexion.
Grandma Helen: Oh, Sam. Let me take a look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies.
Grandpa Fred: I better get my magnifying glass. Ha, ha, ha.
Grandma Helen: Oh, they're so perky!
The Geek: Would you guys please hurry up? I'm breaking like 20 major laws right now.
Caroline: (very drunk) Who's he?
Jake: That's me.
Caroline: Who are you?
Jake: I'm him.
Caroline: Oh, OK.
Geek: How's it going?
Samantha: How's what going?
Geek: You know, things, life, whatnot?
Samantha: Life is not whatnot, and it's none of your business.
Ginny: I love Rudy, and he is totally enamored of me. I mean other men have loved me, but not for six whole months in a row.
Randy: Geek, can I be honest with you?
Geek: Not if you're gonna insult me.
Geek: By night's end, I predict me and her will interface.
Samantha: I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.
Geek: Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some [girl] borrows my lunch money? You know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind because I'm too torqued up to say no.
Samantha: Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.
Samantha: This is Farmer Ted.
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