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Capturing the Opportunity for 'The Talk'

© April Lee Schmidt

During a conversation with my teen daughter, Samantha, I found myself presented with the perfect opportunity to discuss s-e-x. We started out talking about her latest crush. Although it seemed to me she has had quit a few, (at least three) for an eighth grader I guess that is not that many.

I told her about some of my earliest boyfriends and the crushes I had when I was her age. I even told her about the ones I later became embarrassed to admit I had. We discussed the differences between a crush, physical attraction or simple admiration and honest friendship, love and being in love. We covered a lot of ground during that chat.

It dawned on me during this stage of our conversation that I never had a talk like this with either my Mom or Step-mom. I thank God that Samantha feels comfortable and free to talk to me about this topic, as well as what is going on with her friends and classmates.

I probably could have discussed these things with my Mom but in all honesty, I just do not remember the subject coming up. I do remember she and my aunt talking once or twice in my presence. Now I realize that was their way of sharing information with me without forcing me into a conversation I may not have been comfortable having.

I do my best not to lecture Samantha and I try to hide my shock at some of the things she tells me. I do remind her of our family rules and moral beliefs regarding dating and premarital sex. According to Samantha knowing up front how I feel and what my rules are helps alleviate the stress and gives her an out when it comes to peer pressure. An example being while she may have a boyfriend she is not allowed to date yet. She can socialize in mixed company provided it is a group activity in a public place or chaperoned by a parent.

Samantha was not ready for a candid conversation about sex. Nevertheless, I let her know that when she was I would be opened to just listen and/or answer any questions if I could. I told her about some of the myths I had heard from peers like “you can’t get pregnant the first time”. I also explained the importance of checking her facts with reliable sources such as health care professionals or a trustworthy adult, if she is uncomfortable asking me.