Home » Partners & Parents » Motherless Mothering » The Home "Cling-on"

The Home "Cling-on"

© Jody Hart Lehrer

The greater my resistance the greater her perserverence. The more I want to obtain, for one rare moment (or two or three)- say, to take a bubble bath-- the more she, my daughter, will assert herself. She, Hannah, stands her ground. Pesky. Determined. Overwhelmingly "in-your-face." So annoying.

There are moments like this. Each parent, probably mothers more than fathers, experience times like this when s/he cannot breath from the neediness of a child who is otherwise fairly independent.

This morning, early (I mean ridiculously early!), at 3:00 a.m., Hannah was coughing because she has that pesky winter cough that one cannot get rid of. The kind that the pediatrician will tell you to "deal with," sending home the worried parent with a pat on the back and words meant to reassure, that somehow fall short of doing so. A cough that clings as tightly to the child as the child clings to his or her parent on certain days and at certain moments, even absent the excuse of a resilient cough.

So I pulled my girl into my bed and we slept (and I use this term quite loosely) the remainder of the morning together side by side. Hannah actually spent the time talking to her stuffed animal, a multi-colored "worm" called, quite astonishingly "Worm," that crinkles and honks and jingles depending upon where it is touched. This was one of her first toys from almost six years ago, when Hannah was just an infant.

I should have known that my day would be like this when Hannah chose that particular relic over all of her dozens upon dozens of more "sophisticated" stuffed animals. Her infant toy? She was obviously feeling the need to be mothered.

And so, this is the type of day that my daughter and I are sharing today. Hannah cannot seem to do without me on this day. Each action of hers is an excuse to have me at her beck and call. She has asked me do this or that for her since sunrise (tape down stencils on paper, load a battery into her remote control car that seems never to work despite its newness!, help her spell a word). Meanwhile, I am racing to get done the few little errands that defy completion, ones I have put off until they are not so insignificant anymore. Only now I cannot accomplish a thing because of Hannah's relentless insistance on my intervention.

Normally, she finds so many things to occupy herself in her room (with so many toys that their sheer number incites worried glances from family and friend alike) or elsewhere about the house, that I have to call out to her periodically to make sure she has not sneaked off the premises completely. Sometimes my concern causes an impatient "what do you WANT?" from Hannah.

The copyright of the article The Home "Cling-on" in Motherless Mothering is owned by . Permission to republish The Home "Cling-on" in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.