Lately I'm feeling overwhelmed by my toddler's ardent attention - suddenly, I can't even go to the bathroom without Ruby crumpling into a despondent heap in the hallway! What's the mother of such an anxious one-year-old to do? A quick check through my child care library offered the following advice to choose from:
The What to Expect...Team
"Of course there will be times when your understanding and patience will be tested to their limits - as when you're late for an appointment, and you find yourself struggling to pry your toddler's fingers off your legs so you can escape out the door... Though a toddler's pleas for you to stay with him can be pretty heart-wrenching, don't join in the melodrama. Instead, stay calm, matter-of-fact, and though sympathetic, unmoved by the histrionics."
Penelope Leach
"To you, it seems totally unnecessary for the baby to cry just because you have gone to the clothes line. But when the baby loses sight of you, he minds. You are the center of his world; the mirror in which he sees himself and everything else; his manager, who copes with him and helps him cope with other things. When you go away from him you know where you are going and how short a time you will be gone, but as far as he is concerned, you might be gone forever. If you try to override is feelings, ignoring his cries, prying off his clinging arms or shutting him in a playpen to stop him following, he will get more and more anxious. The more anxious he feels the more determinedly he will cling to you."
Dr. Spock
"So babies at around a year are at a fork in the road. Given a chance, they gradually become more independent: more sociable with outsiders, more self-reliant, more outgoing. If they're confined a great deal, kept away from others, used to having only parents, often just one parent, hovering over them, they are apt to become tied to that parent, more timid with strangers, wrapped up in themselves. How is independence encouraged?"
William Sears, MD & Martha Sears, RN
"Don't feel you have made your baby too dependent on you and that he will remain clingy and not develop a healthy independence. On the contrary, separation anxiety is often a measure of how secure a baby's attachment is and how securely he will ease into independence. Here's why. Suppose a baby is playing in a room full of strange toys and strange babies. Baby begins to cling to you. Instead of reinforcing his fears of the strange and unfamiliar, you give baby "It's OK" cues. Baby releases from you and becomes familiar with the strange environment, periodically checking back into home base for reassurance that it's OK to proceed into more unfamiliar situations."
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