Home » Partners & Parents » Mothering » The Emotional Life of New Mothers

The Emotional Life of New Mothers

© Amy Condra-Peters

As your body gradually returns to its pre-pregnancy condition, your emotional state may seem less predictable. After the birth of my first daughter, I found that the sight of my newborn prompted tears of both maternal pride and a staggering sense of responsibility. While a baby is certainly a cause for celebration, many women are surprised when they also feel sad, fearful, or even angry during this time. Shelia Kitzinger, a social anthropologist and the author of several pregnancy books, says, "Many women are astonished that no one warned them that the birth of a child would catapult them into facing new challenges, conflicting emotions, and a constant race against time; that looking after a baby would demand all their energy, stamina, and intelligence."

Motherhood can be a daunting task, and yet women are often afraid to admit their insecurities. "At times I would look at my daughter and wonder when I was going to start adoring her...and other times, I couldn¹t imagine not adoring her," says Alexis Gutzman. "This isn¹t something I could express, because I didn¹t want to appear ungrateful for having a beautiful, healthy baby girl."

Talking with other mothers who can empathize with these issues can provide you with necessary validation and support. "Isolation is the most common problem new mothers face," says Martha M. Bullen, a former board member for FEMALE (Formerly Employed Mothers at the Leading Edge). "Finding support from other women is crucial at this stage. Joining a neighborhood playgroup, a babysitting co-op or a national mother¹s group like FEMALE are all good ways to help new moms feel happier in their role."

If you¹re finding yourself spending your days with no one to talk with other than your baby, it¹s time to venture out into the world. Childbirth education classes, libraries, playgrounds, postpartum fitness classes - these are all places where you can meet new mothers. Caroline Hull, a mother of five children, recalls the period after the birth of her first child as awkward and lonely. When she discovered a playgroup that included babies the same age as her son, she finally felt grounded. "I felt very adrift for a while‹ giving up my old life and expectations was difficult. Friends have played a very important part in validating the choices I¹ve made, and in supporting me during many rough spots along the way."

Your body, your emotional state, your relationships - all will change the instant that you give birth to your new baby. At first, this transition may seem relentlessly exhausting. Soon, though, the heady rush of these newborn days will pass, and you will no longer remember the sleepless nights as clearly as you will remember the gentle pressure of your baby¹s hand on your finger, or the sweaty sweetness of her wrinkled neck. One day, your baby will flash you a smile that will glow so radiantly that you will catch your breath. Then you will realize that during these early months you have been doing more than simply surviving - you have been falling in love!