The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

22. Minuteman Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but cannot receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

24. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

25. Signal: Tries to communicate with snake...fail repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate. Signal Officer informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to videoconference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 billion to make this happen. Signal Officer abuses the two smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, bitches, and takes credit. In the end, Boeing and several subcontractors make a few billion dollars. The two smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations.

The snake is forgotten.

This month's funny is courtesy of Soldiers for the Truth (SFTT) http://www.sftt.org/ .

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