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Reflections: My Friends Through Dance

© Shira

Martha Graham said, "Dance is the hidden language of the soul."

As I look back over the many friendships I've had in my life, especially those that have endured for a long time, one common theme has stood out: most of my closest friendships were formed through dance. I even met my husband through dance! If dance is indeed the hidden language of the soul, then it makes a certain kind of sense that when we dance with someone else, we are sharing something on a deeper level, whether we realize it or not!

I think most adults form new friendships through the workplace, but unfortunately I've found many of those friendships to be rather transient. Often, the shared job responsibilities are the only thing we have in common with co-workers. Once a work friend leaves the company and moves on to a new job, s/he often falls out of touch because there's no longer that common ground of the job-related issues to foster ongoing contact. I treasure the friends I've made through my job, but of the hundreds of people I've met this way over more than a decade of working in high tech, I can count on one hand the number who have developed into true, long-term friendships. My day job simply hasn't been my primary source of close friends.

For those of us who enjoy dance as a recreational pastime, the social context is very different from the workplace. Depending on which dance form we pursue, we'll join our dance friends in attending classes, participating in workshops, shopping for costumes and other supplies, entering competitions, and rehearsing for performances. In dance, we get sweaty together, we see each other undressed backstage, and we relax after a show or a rehearsal with cold drinks in hand. We share bloopers in performances which we can laugh about together afterward, and we can reminisce about the time danced on an outdoor stage set up in a sheep pen filled with urine-soaked straw.

In 1978, I decided to join an international folk dance club. I had a wonderful time learning the varied dance styles. As a group, we went on road trips to folk dance festivals in nearby cities, rehearsed for performances, and went out for ice cream after our weekly dance gatherings. I've been happily married for 20 years to one of the people I met through the club, and friendships with two others have endured over those many years to the present. When I call these long-time friends to chat on the phone, we instantly re-connect and it's as if no time has passed at all.

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