Predictions for 2005
10) The Yankees will win the Pennant, only to lose to the Diamondbacks in 4 games. Randy Johnson loses two games in the World Series as his former teammates tee off on his newest pitch, the Eephus. Javier Vasquez, who couldn't pitch a lick in New York, wins Game 4 with a 3-hit shutout. New York GM Brian Cashman is found dead under mysterious circumstancs, with a GS cufflink found nearby.
11) Israel will not withdraw from Gaza or the West Bank, as the Palestinians elect Hamas in 'national elections' that are rife with corruption and coersion. Dozens die as Hamas opens fire on Fatah members. However, all deaths occurring at the polls are attributed to Israelis poisoning the ballots with secret sauce.
12) Osama bin Laden is found in Newark, New Jersey driving a cab. He's found using the alias Michael Moore. On a related note, Michael Moore is found in Afghanistan after being drop kicked by Pfizer who got pissed off at Moore for 'exposing' the company, despite the fact that Pfizer's contributions in the tsunami relief will top out at $75 million, which is still more than France coughed up.
13) Rumsfeld is the new Ashcroft. Gonzales is the new Rumsfeld. And Jeb Bush is the new Dubya. Dubya is the new Dubya. Same as the old one. Only with 5x the misunderestimations.
14) I will buy a house this year, only to watch the market bubble that has been ongoing for the last 5 years collapse 10 minutes after we close and take possession. Needless to say, that will not be a happy time and I will have to take out my frustration out on someone - which means you, my readers. BWWHAHAHA!
15) Jason Giambi shows up to training camp weighing 165 soaking wet, bats .212 and is sent down to the minors complaining of a lack of strength due to 'those things.' Barry Bonds shows up to spring training looking like the East German swim team and proceeds to smash Hank Aaron's record 75 games into the season, though no one is attending the game. Bonds' 'records' are kept on the books, but with a syringe next to them.
Most of all, I wish that everyone remains safe, healthy, and gets to enjoy life once in a while. Reading (and writing) about tragedies all the time takes its toll. So go see something you've never seen before. Visit a national
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