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The Double Sided Story

© Paul Hastings

A lone pathetic-looking figure stood glaring into the brightly lit shop window. The streets were almost deserted, it was 3:00 O’clock in the morning. At first glance you could have been forgiven for thinking this individual was just another bum. He had long hair, bushy beard, and old tired-looking clothes. He just stood there staring.

A few years ago, this man was a airman in the British Royal Air Force, smartly dressed, well groomed, very particular about his appearance. Intellectually, he was above average, and did well at school. He had ambitions for the future and dreamed of becoming a fighter pilot. But Cranwell, the main centre for pilot training in the UK, rejected him however, because only those with the highest aptitude get to sit in the cockpit. So he accepted a position in RAF communications, and it was there his troubles began.

John developed schizophrenic tendencies whilst under intense pressure conducting his duties in Singapore. He was involved in a vital part of national security, working at night and studying for exams during the day. Letters home portrayed happiness, contentment and fun; he was having a good time—or so he said. But in his youth, John had always been a bit of a loner, did not mix easily and was possessive with the friends he did have. Subsequent readings of his letters uncover a camouflage concealing loneliness, depression and mental exhaustion.

One evening in the summer of 1968 after more than a year of growing anxiety, John collapsed and awoke in a military hospital for the mentally ill in England.

He has never been the same since!

Was the stress to blame for the development of schizophrenia? The experts say no, but it could have triggered its release.

So, What Is Schizophrenia? Schizophrenia is not a split personality as the popular misconception goes, rather like the Jekyll and Hyde myth. It is a perceptual problem in that the sufferer cannot always distinguish between reality and imagination. John is under the illusion periodically that he is being spied upon and will report these suspicions to the police. He cannot separate reality from invention. Many believe they are being poisoned, John included, and are very difficult to cook for. Coupled with the fact that they refuse to acknowledge there is a problem, this paranoia causes some to reject all forms of medication.

The schizophrenia sufferer also faces lack of motivation, depression, social withdrawal and blunted feelings. Add low esteem to these symptoms and you end up living as John has in a dingy, cold, grimy attic room, surrounded by childhood memorabilia, He seems to take comfort in the past, reliving again and again memories of playground pranks and the good times.

The copyright of the article The Double Sided Story in Mental Illness is owned by Amy Hillgren Peterson. Permission to republish The Double Sided Story in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.