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22 and Very Suicidal

© Amy Hillgren Peterson

Kendra posted this message on a bipolar message board earlier this month:

"Hi, all. I've been dealing with manic depression for 10 yrs now. I've been locked up many times and everything that I've tried (meds/shrinks) hasn't helped. Right now I'm going through a really mental time and I can't help feeling the world would be better off w/o me. I don't know why I feel this way. I have a great life, 2 beautiful kids, a loving boyfriend, a new house, and an excellent job, but yet I still want to die! The only thing keeping me on this earth is my kids! I need help!!!!!"

Many people with serious mental illness can relate to this. This, if the other mental health editors and I have not made it abundantly clear, this biochemical illness is what makes someone find suicide as the only answer when it seems as though they have "a great life."

Lora had this to say to Kendra:

"Hi. I've also suffered with depression and thoughts of suicide for years. What you need to realize is that this is a spiritual battle. Satan wants you to die and go to hell, he has demons that are just for helping people over the edge. They are around you when you have thoughts of suicide, mocking you, encouraging you to do it. The way out is through GOD. . . Just start by saying a simple prayer like this, "Lord I know I'm a sinner. Please forgive me. I want Jesus to come into my heart and change me and I will live for Him and Make Him the Lord of My LIfe. Amen."

Now, being more of a humanist/lackluster mainstream Protestant than a fundamentalist, I take issue with this line of thinking on its face. The greater question, however, is similar to questions raised by people with serious illness or disorders that cause multiple miscarriages, infertility, the appearance of obesity, etc. Is this attitude that sufficient faith will make us well at all healthy?

If someone has diabetes, it seems rational to supplement their faith with regular insulin treatments. Why, in this milennium, is it rational to think that depression and delusion can be overcome through power of faith or thought.

George responded with his personal experience:

"I thought of suicide but decided to just run away from my job, my wife, and child and go live on the streets of San Diego. After four day son a bus, a week of spending my last dollars on a cheap hotel, I realized that I needed help and went back to Buffalo and my family. I realized that my job had just too much pressure and I needed some real help. I started with a therapist and drug treatments but it did not work. I was getting worse. The next thing, and it may sound drastic to most people but it made me do a complete turnaround was the electric shock treatments about 11 in all. There was no pain or discomfort but you do end up with some short term memory loss which comes back after a couple of months. Maybe you want to talk to your dr about it?"

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