The Effect of Mania No One Talks About
As time passes, many people with bipolar disorder find themselves able to relate a humorous story of the effects of mania. Our humor may be tempered by shame, embarrassment and guilt even after years pass.
But stories of wild manic times are ubiquitous on the web and in support groups and social clubs. Indiscriminate spending. Inappropriate laughter. No sleep for days or weeks. Taking off in the car and driving into the night with no plan. Booking a sudden flight to Vegas or Hawaii. Selling everything you own.
The DSM-IV classification for mania lists dozens of manic episode symptoms. But there is one that I have not found more than passing mention of in personal stories after a year on the web and in a bipolar support group. Hypersexuality and promiscuity.
"I didn't think anything was wrong with me at the time," says Mike, 33, of his college promiscuity. "I'm sure my first manic episode started about the time I entered college at 17, but the promiscuity coincided with my sexual peak," he says. Mike estimates he had over 500 sexual partners during his years at a Catholic university in the Midwest. He says he is burdened now during his depressive phases with the "learned guilt" of his Irish Catholic upbringing and the regret of "never being able to commit to a relationship."
It was at the age of 28, in fact, when he saw all of his friends married or engaged and happy in fulfilling relationships that he began to question his morals, his desires, even his ability to love, and he sought counseling. The therapist dug deep into his Catholic home and his fears of inadequacy and failure that they certainly assumed were contributing to his hypersexuality, and in the course of those therapy sessions, Mike discussed his Springs and Summers of sleepless nights and endless prowling, followed by Falls and Winters of depression and isolation. The therapist referred him to a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with Bipolar I Disorder with seasonal features.
"At least I know what's coming in the Spring," Mike says. He says he has lost out on a number of relationships because of his Fall depressions. "I've met a few girls for whom I would give it all up," he says, "but I just can't pick up the phone in the fall. My answering machine light flickers madly with messages from the 'summer girls' and I never do call them back." Saddled with a growing reputation as a playboy, Mike toys with the idea of moving to a new city to find a real relationship. "But if I do it in the Spring I am afraid I will just start over again with new women."
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