Facing Changes In Your Life - Page 2

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Jun 28, 2002

typical (but not always appropriate) responses, and therefore learn to behave differently in similar situations.

Of course, I have always felt it is far easier to theorize about why I do things, than to actually change the way I go about it. Sometimes those "schema's" of ours are so well entrenched that it really is not easy to react differently, even though we can almost see ourselves walking into that same old pattern. But that, I think, is actually at the core of the issue. We should not concentrate on what we do wrong, but rather on what we have going for us, so that it is no longer necessary to follow the same old pattern.

For example, the person who is afraid of abandonment, should not focus so much on learning to love again, but rather on the fact that he or she will be all right on his or her own. They need to learn that they carry sufficient inner resources to cope with situations on their own, that they are complete in their own right, and do not need someone else to come and complete them. In this way, they will soon learn that love is a bonus as opposed to being a need. Such thoughts can help to carry one through, and then, should even a metaphorical situation of abandonment spring up, the feeling of knowing you can cope, no matter what, can help you keep on your newly planned "road" as opposed following the old, "tried and true(?") one.

So, you as counselor, have the job of not only theorizing about what patterns are being enacted, but also of finding out what resources your client has to rely on, within him or herself, so that they will be able to react in new and creative ways when different situations present themselves.

Of course, this is a short article, and there is a lot more to it. It is recommended that, in addition to reading the book recommended above, that you also take a look at the work of Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence).

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