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HOW NICE ARE YOU? (or therapy through rose colored glasses)

© Bronwen Schoombie

Psychology, therapy, counseling or any help of its sort tends to be viewed as the "soft option" many times. I have dealt with parents who say things like "I brought up my child the psychological way" which, to them may mean less hidings, lots of leeway and the child being left to his or her own devices to find out about the way things work.

The trouble, though, is that this is a far cry from true psychology. Psychology, or therapy is supposed to believe in people, (but NOT in an unrealistic way).

Too often I have heard of people who have been to therapists but "pulled the wool right over their eyes." In such cases you might hear the comment "He had her eating out of his hands" which brings a vision of Hannibal Lecter to my mind – someone so good at manipulating people that he is able to harness the help of the very people who are supposed to be involved in his healing.

Your job, as counselor is to remember that problems are usually realistic. Your job is not to support the client in his or her misunderstanding of how the world works, but to try to let him or see that the consequences of acting in an abnormal way is likely to result in consequences which he or she does not much like.

This makes me think of an article written by David Epston, in the Journal of Strategic and Systemic Therapies, 1985, 4(3):47-49 where a child had been charged for lighting bonfires on a main highway, but his parents did not seem to think that this was serious. David Epston made it quite clear, through his interventions, just how serious the repercussions of his actions could be. In fact, as part of his therapy, he organised a trip for the child to the local Boys Home, and when there discussed "how nice it was" ("wow – this is terrific accommodation – you can have a pee without putting your feet on the floor"; or "You wake up at five o'clock. That's great! You'll be able to see the sun rise!" Not once does he act as if he believes in the boy, but rather sends messages of despair to the parents. But therapy was successful, and as David Epston says in the last paragraph, "I had to admit that I had been wrong about him. There was not further contact with the courts".

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