  |
|
|
|
I recently saw a young teenager who has been taken advantage of – twice. By two different men. And she blamed herself.
I have found, in my practice, that long lectures, no matter how well put, or profound, do not send the message across quite as well as a question which forces the client to think and, perhaps, to make choices. When I asked a client who she thought was the "bad guy" in the case of a sweetie shop theft, she took a long time to answer. I painted the picture clearly. I asked her if it wasn't perhaps the owner of the shop's fault because he was selling such tempting goodies? However, she did, eventually say she felt the fault lay with the thief. Not everyone who comes near the shop steals something – only those who follow different rules. Slowly then, you as therapist can then discuss the fact that there are millions of sweetie shops out there – I mean every second person out there is a woman. And each one of them is as vulnerable as the next. The fact that it might happen twice is just one of those things. However, one then needs to go further into the metaphor, and talk about the sweetie shop owner who has burglar alarm systems, or other types of security, and those who are less protected. You can look at ways in which the abused person can try to ensure her own safety. Perhaps, if the person is really young, the parents need to take more charge and make it a rule that the child is NEVER left alone ANYWHERE with a person of the opposite sex. One can even go so far as to ask the parent to call parents of friends if the child wishes to sleep over, and ask if it would be OK for the bedroom door to be locked when the children go to sleep. It is important, for the victim to start living again that her sense of safety is addressed clearly, and that those around her help to ensure that she is not left in a vulnerable position again. You, as therapist, may spend time helping her to be more assertive in her actions, and enabling her to feel comfortable with ensuring her own needs are met. I have found that, so often, victims feel responsible in some way for their abusers. It is as if their abuser has managed to make them feel bad and guilty for not complying with his wishes. |
|
|
|
