My Husband Wants A Divorce!


© Bronwen Schoombie
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Your job is not to do things for her - it is to provide her with leads so that she can do these things for herself. As a woman in a marriage in which her husband possibly handled a lot of the contracts, she needs to learn how to do these things herself, and this is one place for her to learn.

But most of all, your job is to provide support. Help her to take one step at a time, and to keep slowing her down. Do not allow her to think more than a couple of months ahead until she has thought through the steps to get there. You need to simplify things for her - after all, as one of my mentors used to say: "How do you eat an elephant? - Just one bite after another." She cannot jump into a brand new life and expect it to be perfect and you are there for her when things get to be too much and all she needs to do is cry. However you are also there to help her to see things in perspective. To let her cry, but not allow her to sink into the doldrums. You are there to help her to see that this may be the beginning of something new - as the old cliché goes "one door closes and another opens." However, you also need to be realistic and not let her think that her life is about to change for the better the minute she walks out of your office.

Your job, in a case like this, is merely one of support. You cannot change her husband's mind, and you cannot take back the twelve years of her marriage. What you can do, though is help her through each step until she has built up sufficient skills of her own, that she no longer needs you. That she is in a position to think of options on her own, and to act on those that she decides on.

Divorce can be a soul-destroying process. However, with you providing support, it might not be as calamitous as it first appears.

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