Coloring our perceptions,Coloring our perceptions

We all have a different perception of reality. Therefore, when our client comes out with a problem, and we really want to help him or her, it is important to find out what his (her) reality is. The only way to do this is to ask questions... to find out exactly what they mean when they say certain things. (For the purpose of easier reading, the client for this essay will be a "he".)

So often, someone will say something. Perhaps leave a sentence half-completed, or say it so definitely so as to make you almost feel stupid if you do not understand exactly what they mean. However, quite often, our understanding of what they mean is colored by our perception of the world. Which, because we have different lives will necessarily be different. Therefore, in order to ensure that we are not coloring the client's reality with our own, it is important to ask questions to ensure clarity.

These questions will not only help you to gain a clearer understanding of what the client means, but will also help the client to open up. Questions based on a statement help the client to explain him self more, and therefore to talk more. Questions asking for clarity, help the client to feel he or she is being taken seriously. It helps him to feel comfortable as it allows him to be a part of the healing process. Remember, my therapy is based on the narrative way of doing things, and by asking questions, we are also helping to balance what is, initially, a very unbalanced relationship. In other words, the client comes to you, the expert. However, by asking questions you are helping to put him in a one-up position: Again, very useful in the healing process.

By asking questions to clarify things helps us not to judge or to answer questions too quickly. They help us to gain a fuller understanding, and thus prevent us from making a judgment we may be sorry about later (once we DO know the full story!) They also, hopefully, help the client to understand his predicament better. Questions are not only clarifying things for us but for the client as well. Remember... this client has possibly told this story a number of times. Most likely, the people he has told the story to have allowed him to ramble on with his own (vague) understanding of the problem. By making him clarify the issue for you, he is also clarifying it for himself!

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