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SINGLE PARENTS:
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF IF YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN
Anyway, I truly believe that it was this experience which helped me to help so many single parents, or people married to the step-parents of their children. I believe my father handled the whole situation exceptionally well, and that I have a right to pass on his method! It seems, too, that the research agrees with me, and if you want to read further excellent articles on the subject, do yourself a favour and visit the following pages: www.divorcecentral.com/parent/handbook/10.html; also www.divorcecentral.com/parent/handbook/11.html; - these are two chapters of an excellent on-line book with good advice and examples. Another nice article, offering "hints, tips and advice to help you face challenges of parenting without your partner" can be found on www.divorcemag.com/cgi-bin/show.cgi?template=article&article=children/parentprimer and then, possibly the best article of the lot, I found on www.divorceonline.com/articles/f69969.html. I have a very dear friend who is a single parent. Her child is lucky enough to have a doting father, grandparents and her mother's boyfriend who all love her very much. Unfortunately, though, I feel that sometimes they are all so busy trying to make up for the child's situation, that they are creating an even more unreal one - one in which the child comes first in everything and has no idea of the "real world". Time and again, I tell my friend how important it is that she not feel guilty about living her own life. In other words, it is OK to have a boyfriend. I think that sometimes, parents feel so bad about bringing a child into the word, and creating a "mess" for the child that they give up a lot in order to try and straighten the imbalance that they feel they have heaped onto their child. What they don't think of, though, is that they have, say, 20 years of nurturing their child. After this, the child has 40-60 years of being on their own. A lot longer than the time you spend bringing them up. I truly believe that if you do too much for your child you might be creating a "debt" that they feel they will have to repay later. Think of all the "spinsters" who feel obliged to look after their single mothers, and therefore never married or left home. Think of the men who have made terrible husbands, because their mother had to live with them, and, in a way, was placed above the wife in the home's hierarchy. This is an unhealthy arrangement. However, if you place a high premium on your relationship, letting your child know that no matter what they do, this relationship has nothing to do with them (you are together because you want to be; not because you are looking for a father / mother figure for your children, and you break up because they do not suit you; not because your child put a frog in their bed), you take a lot of unfair responsibility off your child's shoulders. Go To Page: 1 2
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