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MAKE A CHOICE - AGGRESSION OR HAPPINESS! - Page 2

© Bronwen Schoombie

Another way to help you control your own emotions is to try to understand the person you are angry with. The person at the other end of the telephone line is merely a voice - he or she may not have caused the problem you have run into at the company, but they have been assigned to help you sort it out. Is it fair to blame the messenger? Sometimes it helps to ask the people who are making you so angry to tell you their side of the story. This will help you to see that there are two sides, and also prevents you from making a total fool of yourself in some cases. An interesting thing I have learned while watching people throughout my life and while in practice is echoed by many other professionals: the fact that, even though people do the strangest things, often their motives are not mean. They may be self preservation motives, or defensive, or even an attempt to be just. It is so much easier, I have found, to be less aggressive when I don't picture my "opponent" as being malicious and vindictive, but rather as merely another player, doing his or best to get through the day. Sometimes we become angry, and remain angry because we are bitter about something the other person has done. The trouble is, though, that the sooner we let go of the issue, the sooner it will let go of us, allowing us to move forward. One big lesson I have learnt in life is that people are different to me. Some people disappoint me, but if they disappoint me in the same way more than once, then I have to understand that this is how they are - they are acting in a way they know. What will only make me unhappy is hoping, wishing that they will act in the way I really want them to act. Or that they will not be who they are. This is rather silly, and wishful thinking, but we all do it. Again - it is easier to cope with our emotions if we are realistic. So, perhaps it will help you to cope with your aggression, if you: -start being realistic about what has caused your anger, -learn to choose to be happy as opposed to being angry, -try to see the situation from the other person's point of view and -stop expecting people to act in ways you really would like them to act, as opposed to accepting them the way they are.

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