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MAKE A CHOICE - AGGRESSION OR HAPPINESS!

© Bronwen Schoombie

In my last article, I gave a few personal pointers as to how controlling aggression made a difference in my life. Now, I want to look at ways of helping yourself to live a more controlled, and less aggressive life. As before, I would like to recommend the following articles: The first deals with gaining control over your anger, and offers some very useful tips for doing so (http://front/csulb.edu/tstevens/b-anger.... The second is a full journal article dealing with the fact that catharsis (ie "letting all your frustration and aggression out on an inanimate object") is not a good way to relax and reduce anger (see www.apa.org/journals/psp763367.htm) - also quoted in my last article. I found them both to be logical and interesting. Its important to note the difference between hostility and aggression - hostility is when one cannot accept the way things are. In reality, things happen a certain way, but some people are unable to face that, which leads their reasoning to become completely irrational. Take the example of someone I know who received a traffic ticket as her car was not roadworthy. Her father was furious with her because she had driven a different route to that which she normally took. The issue, for him, was that she was caught because she took the wrong road home. The reality is that she was caught because her car was not fit for the road. The sad thing about those who cannot accept reality is that they have actually chosen not to be happy. Yes! Happiness (and so many other emotions) IS A CHOICE! If a relationship is over...it is over. If you have lost your job...it is a done deed! Accept the facts, and work on ways in which to improve your future. "Getting stuck" results in stagnation, but also bitterness, and very little chance of happiness. As I discussed last time, aggression is related to how you feel about things. Your value systems are important. But also, so often our anger comes from a feeling of powerlessness - the fact that something we had planned is not going to happen. The fact that you are late may not be nearly as important as the UNDERLYING issue of whether everyone will think you are a bad mother because you are late. Know what your weak spots are, learn to understand what it is that upsets you, and it will be easier to work on the negative emotions associated with these.

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