THE RIGHT ATTITUDE – A FUNDAMENTAL PILLAR OF AGEING - Page 2

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Dec 19, 2000

2 Turn pain into gain. Support groups are extremely popular because they work. You can help others going through something you have been through, only because they know you understand better than anyone else. It is always a relief to realize others have experienced similar situations. And, by helping others, one's focus is removed from oneself - always an added bonus. As Yalom (author of "Group Therapy") said, patients receive through giving. It is wonderful to know that, despite your setback you still have a role to play. There are always fresh examples in current magazines of people who have worked through a setback in their life by starting a support group for others in a similar situation. You do not have to act BIG, either. Small plans, like making hospital visits, taking meals to those who are sick, helping out with baby-sitting while a mommy gets some well-needed rest are also ways of coming to terms with your own setback by means of focussing on others. 3 Start every day with a personal victory. A friend of mine starts every day with a forty-minute exercise routine on her health walker. This is her first victory of the day. Stephen covey, author of "The seven habits of highly effective people" believes firmly that success starts with small victories. These help one to focus on what one is capable of - not the skills one has lost. Marg Ruttan, who wrote "Ten Steps to Having a Good Day" for Suite 101 on the internet, says it makes sense to eliminate the morning rush by doing all you can the evening before - like putting the dry-cleaning by the door, setting the table for breakfast etc. Victories involve focussing on what we can do, rather than spending our time trying to change our weaknesses (and setting ourselves up for failure).

One of my first clients had his pelvis severely crushed in a mining accident and his marriage was falling apart. He continued to evaluate himself on what he had been capable of BEFORE the accident. Once he learned to change his unit of measure (eg "I mowed half the front yard today!" instead of "before the accident I was mowing the whole yard in half the time") his whole mindset changed - as did his view of the future and, thankfully, his marriage.

4 Believe in yourself - but be realistic. Believe in the person you are now, not the person you were. Also, stay enthusiastic. You need to enjoy activities - the aim in not to see them as a sort of grim duty. Doing what makes you happy is the important thing says golfing legend Gary Player. Gary has been heard to ask, "Why should I retire when I enjoy golf so much?" There is no point in getting out of bed if you see the day and all it holds as one insurmountable mountain. One needs to WANT to wake up to get started with a project of sorts - something appealing. It is important to never stop having goals.

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