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ONE UPMANSHIP OF THE PSYCHOLOGIST

© Bronwen Schoombie

ONE UPMANSHIP OF THE PSYCHOLOGIST

There was a time, I think, when just the very fact of going to see a psychologist was healing in itself. In fact, much has been written on the "waiting room effect" - ie the fact that merely by sitting waiting "to be healed", some healing actually takes place. There are a number of examples of this - the person who makes an appointment months in advance, and is cured by the time his appointment actually comes around! Perhaps this is related to the client's willingness to be helped? Or the "mystery" surrounding psychology consultations?

The client is coming to see an expert, who will be able to sort out his or her mess. The expert has a number of years of training and - usually - a whole of of experience. If they cannot help, no-one can. So, how important is this aura of mystery, this absolute belief in the healing powers of the therapist? Some argue that this is the curing factor, and although I do admit this is possible, I would add that, in this day and age of informed clients, it is no longer enough. The well-read client of today, who has every right to access his or her file, is not someone who is going to be cured with the placebo effect. Neither, I firmly believe, does he or she take kindly to being talked down to.

Think of yourself. No matter what the problem - be it a flat tyre, having locked your keys in the car, or something far more "serious" like losing your riches...no-one likes to be told they were silly, or did something to deserve whatever the consequences happened to be. However, if we sit with someone who genuinely is trying to understand how we feel, and at no time acts superior, then we immediately start to relax and feel better. Which brings me to another question. Can someone who is not a mother help mothers, or someone who is not married conduct marriage guidance sessions, or someone who has not been raped, offer rape counseling, a non-alcoholic help alcoholics? ... The list is endless. Some of you will say yes to some and no to other questions. Others might say yes (or no) to all.

The way I see it, both can be beneficial OR disadvantageous, depending on how you use your prior knowledge or lack of it. If one comes into a situation one knows nothing about, with a genuine need to try to understand the other's perspective, a curiosity about the incidents or circumstances, I think that anyone can help anyone - experience or none. However, those who may think they know the answers, without ever having had the chance to test their theories might find themselves on dangerous ground. It is the stance we hold - that of believing we know better, which will ultimately count against us. Of course, a survivor may be just as judgmental of a person who has befallen a similar fate to her(him)self. They may begin to think that only their method of coping is the right one, and thus, although they may share a tragedy, they may nevertheless be worlds apart in terms of feelings or understanding. Just because you were burgled, assaulted, in a car accident, does not mean you know how I feel!