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Damned if you do, damned if you don't

© Bronwen Schoombie

I think the world would be a better place if there just better communication, but there are so many reasons why people do not send clear and accurate messages. However, the result can be a lot of confusion for the recipient.

Take a child, for example, who is told to was his hands before dinner. Each dinner time, he diligently does this, and then is completely thrown when his mother shouts at him because the bathroom towel is always dirty. Lesson Number 1: Although it may not always seem so, children, on the whole, aim to please! Question Number 1: Have you told whoever you have told to do a job, exactly how to do it, and are you sure they completely understand?

Knowing what NOT to do does not automatically imply one knows what TO do! And in this case, I am referring to staff members who complete shoddy monthly reports as well as children. Go back to basics and make sure all the gaps are filled. In a country like mine (South Africa), where the educational standard was, for so many years, completely incomparable across the different race groups, it is unfair for whites to expect the same amount of "general knowledge" from a group who grew up, possibly sharing a house with a couple of other families, and having to fetch their water from the nearest river.

What I am saying is, you may know how to do a thing. But are you sure that the person you are giving orders to knows? They MAY have a totally different idea in their head. And then, when they do what they think you want, they have their heads bitten off - damned if they do, damned if they don't.

On the same vein, I wonder how many of us treat those around us like people - yes, people with feelings? Do you say "thank you", acknowledge their presence, do you notice what they DO do - and I am not just talking about on your own terms? I am talking about listening when they have something to say - noticing when they are doing something (and so are you - do you notice them, or does your work always take priority?) Love is... paying attention. Do you know how to do this?

Are you realistic in your assessment of someone's achievements? If a five-year old comes home with work fitting a two-year-old, do you gently say you are sure they can do better? Anyone will push their luck. If it is good enough to for you, they may not try to do better. But if they come home with something you are really impressed with, don't hide this! Let them know. Let them believe in your assessment of you. If they are always wonderful, they may soon learn not to take you seriously.

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