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Counseling Mothers (2)

© Bronwen Schoombie

In my previous article I discussed the importance of finding out what your client's belief systems are. This is important as, no matter how hard a person may wish to follow a logical child-rearing route, if it does not fit in with her belief system, or her way of being, then helping her to become that type of mother is doomed before you start.

Once you know where your client is coming from, it is important to try and help her to work on those things she is having difficulty with. One of these is a common one: learning how to say "no" to your child. Another might be helping her to get her children to listen to her the first time, without needing to nag and eventually throw a tantrum before they do so.

When your client comes to visit you with her child for the first time, it is important that you have discussed which behavior you wish to work on. It might also be a good idea to have prepared a scenario. For example, the mother might come to the session with a packet of cookies, as she has always done. In a previous session, you have both decided that the child is not eating correctly, and she wants to learn to limit the amount of "rubbish" the child eats.

In this session, the mother needs to put it to the child that she may have one cookie, and then, if she behaves herself for the rest of the session (do not make is longer than 30 minutes), then she will be rewarded with another.

It is important to brief the mother that no behavior by her child will be surprising for you, and that you can cope with anything. Make sure that you are telling the truth! Then, during the session, chat to the mother. When the child attempts to cajole the mother into giving her another cookie, allow the mother to try and enforce the agreement she made with the child. Sit back and watch, and whenever the mother does something well, then immediately reinforce it, telling her that you liked the way she did it and why.

Please, when chatting tot he mother, do not discuss the child. Every child hears most of what their mother's say, and few like to be discussed with strangers. The only exception to this is if the mother wants to tell you something really good about what her child did - she cleaned up her room, drew a lovely picture, swam without aids, etc.

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