One of the reasons she is sitting with you could be based on the fact that millions of child-rearing books and articles have been written, concentrating on what is right for children. What is important in dealing with a mother, however, is that you understand her uniqueness, that you accept her belief system, and her limitations, and that, most of all, you confirm her. She might tend to agree in principle with what the books are telling her, and she might really want to follow their advice. The trouble is, she does not seem to be able to do it. At the same time, she is constantly beating herself up about why she does not do what she knows to be right.
I remember sitting in my second of Psychology at University, and hearing that there is "no such thing as a perfect mother". That sentence stuck with me, but to be honest, once I became a mother I, too, fell into the trap of striving to be exactly that - the perfect mother. A mother that other people looked at with approval. A mother with children who set an example. Unfortunately children aren't like that, no matter what the mother is like.
I also remember the time when, with two children under the age of three, and having just moved to a new province, with a different sub-culture, and a place I was yet to make friends, I found myself having a two-year old tantrum on the floor. I lay there, kicking and screaming, beating the floor, and realized I was about to lose control. Being a psychologist myself, I knew I needed help, and called a psychologist friend of mine. All she told me was "Bronwen, we have all been there. I understand completely. Unfortunately, that is what being a mother is all about." She probably said a lot more things, but that telephone call stopped me from cracking up. From that moment, I felt more in control. A friend whose opinion I valued had told me I was OK, and that was the beginning of me becoming a better mother.
