There is no such thing as a perfect mother
Of course, it is also a good idea to read similar case histories, or find out more about a particular issue, so that you are able to, together with other examples, illustrate why you are suggesting a particular course of action.
On the whole, however, when counseling mothers, your aim should really be to empower them. This cannot be done if the mother cannot find it within herself to resort to the actions you are suggesting, or if her personality clashes totally with the ideas presented.
I have watched children who have a strict bedtime, and others who do not, both grow up to be well-adapted adults. The parent needs to decide what works for her, and why. She needs to look at her own needs, and decide which of her needs will be met and which sacrificed. Of course, a mother who looks after herself (sometimes at the expense of her children) is not a selfish mother. She is wise one, as, in the end she will probably have more resources to cope with the demands of her children.
Some parents are unable to follow strict routines, because of circumstance or personality factors. Most books pronounce the importance of routine, and these mothers may find themselves feeling totally guilty because they are unable to put the theory into practice.
Your aim, as a counselor, is to bring the needs of the child and match them to the ability of the mother to provide them. My baby girl never slept more than ¾ hour at a time, but in retrospect, I think it is because I felt claustrophobic in my house, and had to go visiting with other mothers, or shopping, and so, perhaps, my child had to learn to catnap. I do not believe she is any the worse for it now - in fact, she is an excellent sleeper at night - and was from an early age!
It is important to do one's best to provide all that the books say are important in your client's child's development. However, love is one of the strongest forces of all, and no counselor should be instrumental in helping the mother to suppress this first instinct in order to replace it with modern behaviors.
In my next two articles, I will discuss some more specifics with respect to healing mothers who are having a hard time bringing up their children.
Some other sites which might be useful to
Latest Articles