It is my assessment that no matter who you are, no matter what your qualification or how many children you have "effectively brought up", nothing prepares anyone for motherhood. This is why, in my opinion, the admonishment "you will think differently once you have children of your own" was said by my grandparents, and is still being said. Nothing, and no-one will ever prepare anyone for parenthood, and the complete selflessness of it. Neither will anything prepare you for the responsibility.
One thing has struck me, though, in my dealings with mothers of children. Those mothers who seem to cope better have a well-defined sense of what they want from their children, and how they are going to ensure that their children abide by these "rules". The mothers who do not really care what other people think of their methods cope far better than those who really want to please their mothers-in-law or their fathers, those who want to appear in control when out shopping...... These are the mothers who tend to come for help more often, and who appear to be more unsure as to whether they are doing the right things for their children or not.
It is your job as counselor to help the parent to believe in what he or she is doing as a parent sufficiently so that they act consistently and firmly. Your job as a counselor is to help the parent define his or her value systems with a bit of help from researchers. Much has been written about what is and is not good for children. There are a lot of contradictions, but there are also some consistent thoughts. Your job, as a counselor, is to know enough about child-rearing to be able to answer questions put to you with known, researched answers. Your job is to be able to offer examples as to why "this" is a better method than "that". However, your job is not to force opinions down your client's throat, and if your client can offer reasons for not following a particular school of thought, your job as counselor is to respect this.
There is no point in trying to counsel a mother on how to improve her child-rearing methods if you do not know what her child should be capable of doing at that particular age. You need to have some idea of what is and is not acceptable, and also of what you should refer out to a more qualified therapist. For example, a child of two or who comes home with other children's toys is not a kleptomaniac, a child of three who cross-dresses is not a homosexual. You need to know more or less what a child of this age should be capable of, both intellectually and emotionally, or you can be of no help to his or her mother.
