More on Communication

As promised in the last article, I aim to continue discussing communication in the marriage - starting with the fact that "one cannot NOT communicate". Even someone holding up a newspaper high so as to avoid all contact with those around him is sending a message. The message is a clear one: "Leave me alone!"

Any relationship at all - and this includes relationships between shop assistants and customers, the cleaners in one's work environment and those who frustrate one on the roads - lays the foundation for some kind of communication. A message to be received (although not necessarily understood) does not have to be verbal.

All our relationships are defined by the way in which we punctuate them. We communicate differently depending on who our audience is. In other words, I speak differently to a two-year-old than I do to a friend. If I speak to someone as if I am talking to a two year old, I am defining the relationship as being one in which I consider myself to be very superior to the other party. A lecturer speaks differently to his students than to colleagues - and the difference is not only in content (what is said) but also the style in which it is said.

Punctuation becomes a problem if the two parties see the relationship differently. You may, for example, see yourself as superior to the person you are conducting a conversation with. You therefore talk down to him. He, on the other hand, considers himself your equal, and talks to you on your level. You will become frustrated at his "presumption" and he at the way you degrade him. Remember, the way in which you punctuate a relationship depends on how you see things. It does not mean you are correct. This is perhaps one of the biggest reasons why husband and wife tend to avoid working with one another. I know of such a combination. The husband finds it infuriating, as, when he gives his wife an order, she does not take him seriously. If she were a secretary, there would be no question of her doing the work the way he says, but because his "secretary" (usually on a lower level in the hierarchy) is his wife (equal), she has no problem doing things "her way". She is a wife, and therefore a secretary with elevated status.

Another issue, which can confuse the way a message is received, is that of context. No single action can be taken out of context. A house is big only when compared to a smaller one. Office decor is only modern when compared to less modern decor. These are comparisons, but the same not should be taken of surroundings and preceeding actions when someone acts out of character.

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