Circular Questioning
Questioning can help us to gain information with respect to the relationship, and how it was before and after the problem. Circular questioning is one way of connecting the past and the present. For example, one might say "what would John have done if you had behaved like this on your honeymoon?" or "what would Marie's reaction have been had you ... when you were courting?" Of course, one then has to come full circle, and relate the "then" behavior to "now". Ask what has changed. "What is it, Marie, that has caused John to react so differently now than he would have ten years ago?" Again, such a question can take a whole session to explore. Also, when one is on the topic of time, questions should also be used to define the problem, and then later to connect the definition to when the problem began.
There are usually coalition alignments, and circular questions help to identify these in a non-threatening (for the person with the link) way. They are also a useful way to validate any assumption you might have had with respect to triads which might exist. ("If your mother were here, would she say John is closer to Bettie or James? What would your father say? Would you tend to agree or disagree with this assessment?")
One can, through the art of questioning "widen the lense" - enlarge the scene that has been set before you. Explanation questions, agreement questions, questions which attempt to introduce difference into the "reality" which has been painted by the couple are all tools which aid your work. As I have probably repeated many times in my articles, it is the difference you create in your client's minds about the reality they have created for themselves that is therapeutic. Whatever you do, if it helps your clients to see their problems in another way, and this in turn aids them to change the way they respond to the problem, then you have facilitated change.
Keep in mind that questions for the sake of asking questions can be of no use, so it is important to be following some hypothesis with the type of questions you are asking, or no sense will come of the exercise. Remember, too that if you echo part of what a patient says as the first part of the next question you will maintain continuity and keep the pace going. Although the
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