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Couple Counseling

© Bronwen Schoombie

Much of the practical work I have done since graduating has been in the field of couple counseling, and I would say that this is also the field I enjoy most. Many of my articles for Suite101 will therefore be based on this topic, and this is the first of these.

Of course, I am sure that you, the counselor, wants to know what other people think, too, so I am suggesting that you look at www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1999/11/16/guru/print.htm for the article a psychologist on their site wrote, explaining why a quick fix cannot work. Then you might search the site for the other articles they have on marriage. Another very full site is the http://marriage.about.com/home site in which you can find anything from comic strips to a tip for the day on marriage. I thought this would be useful for someone who is preparing a presentation. I also liked www.divorceinfo.com/counseling.htm as he discusses the pro's and cons of other sites dealing with marriage. Finally, before I get started with my article, you might wish to take a look at www.parstornet.net.au/ncmc/ncmcmc2.html - some useful tips on improving communication, and http://women.com/sex/game/married/index.... which lists a number of articles on marriage. Lastly, for men, there is a page just for them - ways to better understand their wives and what women want - www.rtformen.com.

Today, I want to stress the importance of NEVER linking with one partner. It is a fact that when police arrive at a house after the woman has called them to arrest her husband, that, if the officer makes a remark against the husband, she might lay into the officer. This is irrational behavior, but well documented.

Never forget that the couple in front of you has a history that you do not share. They have lived together, and understand one another better than you do, so be careful of trying to link with one against the other. I cannot stress this point enough. I suppose it is similar to the situation I experienced at school. My sister and I fought constantly, and I said dreadful things about her - but one day my friend said something horrible about my sister and I was furious. She was my sister and I was allowed to put her down. But no-one else had that right. As a counselor, always bear this in mind when working with couples.

In the same breath, it is also extremely important to never have favorites. If one partner feels you are taking the other one's side, he or she will feel threatened, discriminated against and will not be able to work with you. Your first job as a counselor is to ensure that your clients trust you sufficiently to want to continue with the treatment, and if you fail by taking sides, then you have lost your efficacy.

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