My Friend Jeff~
lips. At first he turned his head away, then as the cold sweetness touched his lips he drank deeply and greedily. I gave him a cigarette...then another, and watched as he slowly quieted.
These scenes or similar ones were repeated many times. The blind leading the blind some might say, first him supporting, then me as the occasion warranted. Sometimes we clung to each other like rats sinking in a sea of misery.
In the Fall of 1993 Jeff sunk into a severe depression. We were in constant communication, and having attempted suicide myself just a year earlier I recognized the signs. I listened, I tried to encourage him, but in early Winter I received a phone call from the girl he was living with telling me he had jumped in the partially frozen river, but was home. What should she do? The zipper on his jacket was frozen closed and icicles were formed in his hair and on his lashes. I told her to get him into a warm bath and as soon as he was warm and dry to take him to hospital. I spoke also with him at this point and told him it was best, and that I would meet him there. He was there just a few days...and convinced the doctor he had learned his lesson, had found "God" and was fine. He was released.
Less than a month later, he called again in crises. I picked him up and delivered him, psychotically depressed to the hospital. After 48 hours he was released.
He had been phoning me every morning and I had been seeing him every evening by this point. One night he told me in a sad voice that he could not fight any more, that he had made a decision to end his suffering. I did not argue with him. Simply said that if that was his decision, there was nothing more I could say or do, but that I understood from the bottom of my heart how he was feeling.
Our evening ended with a long fierce hug.
See my next article "Coping with Suicide" for more of this story that affected my life forever.
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