Why Stay With a Violent Femme?
In Australia, according to the Child Support Agency, women make up 92 per cent of custodial parents. Men say they know they don’t have an even chance of winning and there are numerous accounts about how they are told by legal-eagles that they won’t win custody, even if their wife is violent. So they stay.
Other men reveal that they remain in their own private hell for completely different reasons. One enjoyed the sexual relationship so much it was worth it.
“[We had] Great sex. I was very demanding as far as frequency goes and she was one of the few women who could accommodate my needs. I could also see the light at the end of the tunnel of her custody battle. [She was still in court trying to win custody of her child from a previous relationship.] I thought the aggression would subside. I expected everything to settle down, but things did the exact opposite. What I think happened was, once he was off the scene, she turned to me. Her husband wasn’t there to absorb her anger.”
Although some psychiatric counselling helped, he says he was too optimistic.“I was just really being super-optimistic. I had a woman I found attractive. I was pampered and having great sex in between the abuse. We moved in together for financial reasons. At that time she was going through problems with her ex over the custody of a child. There were tantrums that developed into big tantrums. I would hug her and she would beat my chest and then she hit me in the mouth. It didn’t happen all at once, it just got out of hand.”
Mental illness is also raised when speaking to battered men. Men will try to save their relationship if their partner is ill or under stress and he believes his partner can achieve a sense of wellbeing. They are convinced that the violence is a part of the illness.
'I had a feeling of commitment to help, because I saw the cause as an illness, not as evil. My two little daughters were, unfortunately, witnesses and I took them with me outside until the hysterical woman in the house calmed down. I had no one to talk to because we were recent immigrants.'
But if they do find the strength to leave, Australia has a lethal cocktail waiting for them. Men tend to be the losers during the course of separation, divorce, property
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