If, as statistics suggest, only 10 per cent of Australian women are willing to report that they are victims of domestic violence, it is unlikely that men, unsupported and not believed, would be so forthcoming with their stories.
Men repeatedly lie to cover the wounds, even to hospital staff and police to protect their partner from prosecution and themselves from embarrassment.
When police were called in after one man had suffered horrific injuries for a third time, he told them he fell over in the shed. It was the daughter who tried to pick up the pieces - unsuccessfully.
“She had threatened to kill him repeatedly, stabbed him three times, pushed him through a plate glass door, threatened to burn his house down if he left. She had a silent phone number, preventing her father from receiving calls from friends and relatives and he said he wouldn’t ‘be surprised if the door is locked when I try to get back in.’”
He refused to hit back. Most Australian men have been raised never to hit a woman. And sometimes that morale is so firmly entrenched that they don’t even defend themselves when they are viciously attacked.
There is no thought of telling a mate. “Oh, you’re a wuss,” his mates say. “What did you do to her to deserve that?” the police say. Is it any wonder why men do not come forward if their masculinity and integrity are brought into question?
Men know that, in most cases, they will not be believed when they go to the police. They are often told to go home, hit her back or to 'take it like a man'. This disbelief is only part of the fault of the police. The Australian Federal and State governments have legislated strict guidelines to deal with domestic violence as have the police but the issue of domestic violence against men is a grey area. There are no resources to deal with a male victim, and few safe houses or crisis centres. But, more often than not, if the police do respond, men are still treated as the aggressor.
“I went to the police station. She had threatened lots and lots of times to commit suicide. When she disappeared with (child) I was frightened she would and they said it was a civil matter. I got down on the police because they coming to me all the time even though I had done nothing wrong.”
Like women, one of the worst fears men have about finishing an abusive relationship is the consequence and losing children can be a number one deterrent.
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