South Beach Diaries- Trouble in Paradise

As I said in the introduction, the following story is told in the form of e-mails. Names were changed to protect the innocent. The email recipient, by the way, was named Joe – if that helps you.

Hey Joe!

Week One of Prep

I was sitting in the office today when a young woman introduced herself as Freaky Pink. Freaky was wearing a halter top and hot pants. Yes, hot pants. I thought all of them were burned in a fire set outside Studio 54 – apparently, I was wrong.

Freaky is attractive enough, if none too subtle. She is one of Lex’s "friends". Lex has lots of friends. Anyway, she stands by the door, all Lauren-Bacall-like (sorry, Lauren), and says, "Who do I have to see to get a role in this movie? Lex said to see you."

Now, Lex loves playing with people. (Note: As the shoot went on, the term "playa" took on more meaning.) Sending Freaky to me as a "gift" was one of his games. She was serious. I didn’t miss a beat. "The director is down the hall, " I said. I later learned he passed on the gift as well.

Now, Freaky was only one of the girls who seemed to forever be around. Some actually helped. The other regulars were Bookum, Crystal and Tiara. After almost a week of prep- we have one product placement – Moet. This seems fitting.

I left a message for Cardinal Don Juan, the pimp from Chicago who will be playing, well, a pimp from Chicago. He is bringing his two assistants to help with wardrobe – Emperor Boo, and the M.A.N. His voice message raises pimping, to, well, religion. "I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m out in the field doing God’s work. Church!" The Crusades were never like this.

Local hires are less than successful. The location manager broke into tears twice today, and the director’s driver keeps getting lost. As I type, we are in the middle of a Type One hurricane. Pretty windy, lots of rain, and the power keeps going out.

Miss you guys. Jb

Joe,

Last Day of Prep

The Cardinal and his assistants have arrived. My pimp/evangalist minister is scheduled for a manicure, as are his assistants. Lex has his assistants – Turquoise and Swift.

The hurricane made things no easier. A chapter of my book will be "Film Rule 41A – its harder to prep with a hurricane."

Talking to the record company about money. They lie like some people drink water.

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