Having suffered Lyme Disease since 1997, I have walked the path of denial, self-doubt, anger, and back again. I have peeked at the end, but have never reached it -- that of total acceptance.
I have accepted the fact that I have Lyme Disease. I have accepted the fact that I will be forever on antibiotics and surrounded by others who suffer the symptoms, difficulties and co-infections. I have even accepted the fact that I have lost everything I have ever worked for because of this disease. But, I have not come into acceptance that this disease is a fluke of nature, has been around for eons, or that it is incurable. Nope! I have not reached that point and I doubt that I ever will. Too much research and evidence keeps me where I am -- the place I call limbo.
Limbo is usually thought of as a place of waiting for something to happen. And, I suppose it is. But, I am not just sitting on my haunches and waiting. I am not vacationing somewhere in the South Pacific or lying in a hospital bed, waiting for a nurse to bring me another shot of I-don't-give-a-darn. I have chosen to actively remain in limbo, writing, making calls, signing petitions, attending conferences, and reaching out to anyone and everyone. I wear my Lyme Disease bracelet and welcome questions. I write books and pray for a publisher at the end of each manuscript. I make calls to check on other Lymers and support group leaders. I send out brochures, hand out tick removal kits, and even have a Lyme Disease poster on my office wall. I link up with physicians, professors, and other leaders in the Lyme Disease community and try to keep abreast of Lyme Disease news. And, I faithfully write for Suite 101. Anything I can possibly do to make myself heard so that something positive may be done to move me out of limbo. A cure would be the ultimate shove in the right direction, and I believe, from interviews I have conducted, that the government has the answer to my longing. I don't know why it is not made available to us, the Lymers, but my theory is that then they would have to admit the experiment and explain how it all went to hell ("Lab 257," Michael C. Carroll). If they were to do that, surely we would lose faith in our system and would start questioning other areas, agencies, decisions, and present and future plans for America ("Behold a Pale Horse," William Cooper). We can't have that, now can we?
