Top 10 Signs You're At A Bad Baptism Service


© Michael Collins from Fishers Of Grin
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Aug 8, 2001


10. The Coast Guard is involved.

9. The service is held at Splash Mountain Water Parks.

8. Pastor wears scuba gear.

7. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from Jaws.

6. The preacher uses a "Billy the Bass" singing "Take Me to the River" instead of the traditional "Shall We Gather at the River?".

5. You keep hearing the pastor saying, "Oops! Honestly, sister; I didn't know about that drop-off!"

4. The pastor can't get the rather large person being baptized back up out of the water and calls for help.

3. The deacon board shows up with fishing gear.

2. Just as the choir starts to sing, Paul Hogan jumps out of the water and wrestles the preacher into submission.

AND THE NO. 1 YOU'RE AT A BAD BAPTISM SERVICE:

1. Two Words: Alka Seltzer

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Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: View all related messages
6.   Aug 10, 2001 8:36 AM
In response to message posted by H2O:

[Dan assumes a look of dignity -- a rash assumption, perhaps, but let it pass -- and intones:]

-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth
5.   Aug 10, 2001 6:59 AM
In response to message posted by Dan_Ellsworth:

Hmmm. I don't know, Dan, sounds like what you propose is more in line with YOUR top ...

-- posted by H2O
4.   Aug 9, 2001 8:45 AM
... start from scratch (not to be confused with Old Scratch) on some other church events or components thereof: Sermon, wedding, funeral (That could be playing with fire.), church governing board mee ...

-- posted by Dan_Ellsworth
3.   Aug 9, 2001 8:26 AM
Dan:

As you so adroitly pointed out, the ten signs certainly address Immersion rather than sprinkling or pouring baptism. That's why I addressed it as "Reformed" and will try to develop a Lutheran ...

-- posted by H2O
2.   Aug 8, 2001 2:13 PM
SOoooo funny and I'm IN the Coast Guard!!!

I love these funny ones John. I'll have to share them with the Youth Group teens! ...

-- posted by Caroline



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