Jerusalem Times: 12 April 33AD

JESUS RISES FROM THE DEAD
Soldiers, disciples see him

After an early morning earthquake yesterday, it was discovered that the tomb within which the dead Nazarene was laid was empty. The Sanhedrin publicly proclaimed this a hoax perpetrated by the Nazarene's disciples. The disciples point out that they had not been near the tomb, nor did they know where he was buried, until some of the female followers reported the empty grave.

Soldiers had been posted by the grave and the tomb was sealed. It was also closed off with a stone that would take five men to move. The soldiers first reported that a bright light appeared and moved the stone. It was empty when they investigated. However, later in the day the centurion held a press conference with Caiaphas announcing that the soldiers had merely fell asleep, allowing the disciples access. It was announced that the appropriate measures of discipline taken, but no soldier has yet lost his life, which is the mandatory punishment for this dereliction in duty.

Meanwhile, more and more people have announced that they have seen the Nazarene alive, they have felt him and seen the nail holes in hands and feet and the spear wound in his side. They also report he is in excellent condition considering the punishment and abuse he had taken on Friday. He also ate with them to prove he was no apparition.

Two men from Emmaus returned last night with an amazing story. They had walked and talked with this Nazarene! Despite the abuse by the Sanhedrin, he still discussed the Torah with them and proved to them that the Torah stated that he must die and rise again.

It was reported by the women who visited the tomb that they saw angels speak to them. One, Mary of Magdala, says she even spoke to Jesus herself! She admitted she originally thought he was the gardener and he had removed the body. She then joked, "Well, he is God and created all the plants and he was walking so he did move the body."

Two disciples who entered the tomb reported that the burial linens were wrapped up neatly and lay on the floor. It was evident that this was not a "grave robbery."

Authorities debated whether these two disciples, and anyone else who entered the tomb, are now ceremonially unclean. According to Torah, anyone entering a tomb is unclean until he or she is made ceremonially clean again. Some argue that they entered a tomb and are thus unclean. Others assert that this is a new tomb and that there is no body in it, thus no one is unclean entering the tomb.

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