Second-Hand Healing

Modern medicine is a true marvel. Today, there are so many advances in medications, therapies and treatments that people who might not have been expected to live past childhood are living a normal lifespan, people who were expected to "die young" are reaching their 80s and 90s, and young adults who only 10 or 20 years ago would have been told that children weren't possible are becoming parents. However, having children does not negate chronic illnesses like diabetes, kidney failure, epilepsy or lupus, and as we all know, parents don't get "sick days"!

So what does the parent with a chronic illness do? How do you explain to your five-year old that mommy can't take him bikeriding? How do you juggle school functions and doctor's visits? What do you say when the PTA asks you for 20 dozen cookies by Friday for the bake sale and you can barely manage to get together the energy to tie shoes or break out the Corn Flakes? These are all issues that children who have parents with a chronic illness have to face every day.

Children have a hard time believing that mommy or daddy have limitations. Every child thinks that their parents are invincible--10 feet tall and bulletproof. While it's not necessary to explain things to a toddler, when a child gets old enough to start questioning why they don't go skating every weekend like their friends, then it's time to have a talk.

When kids reach this stage, it's important to let them know what's going on, but it's also important not to frighten them with big words, technical medical terminology, or your own fears of being ill. Be as calm, reassuring and positive as you can, and be ready to answer questions! (Don't they always have a million anyway?) Explain in simple terms that Mommy or Daddy has a problem that sometimes makes it hard to do things. For example, if you suffer from asthma, you can explain that Mommy's lungs sometimes get tired, and then Mommy needs to rest and catch her breath, or take some medicine to make them feel better. If you are diabetic, and need to take insulin injections, eventually your children will see you with your needles and syringes. Don't act like they are something "bad" to be hidden. You can show your child the equipment you use, explaining that this is how Daddy needs to take the medicine to make his body use the food that he eats, and how your child should never touch Daddy's medicine things. (Then make good on that by keeping your insulin equipment out of reach and locked away!)

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