Lesson sixteen - Don't fall asleep
Anyone who knows me will say that this a major case of the "pot calling the kettle black", because I am notorious for falling asleep absolutely anywhere if I am tired enough.
I've fallen asleep at discos, nightclubs, in lectures, at dinner parties, in restaurants, in pub toilets and I am always falling asleep on the tube.
This really isn't a wise move, otherwise you'll find yourself at the end of a tube line and not even in London at all like Upminster (which is in Essex) or in Uxbridge (Middlesex). Luckily I live one stop away from the end of a tube line and on most of the recent occasions when I've fallen asleep on the tube, I've just had to curse myself for my stupidity and go back one stop home.
At college (when I actually did want to go to Uxbridge) I had a work placement in the City and out of the rush hour the Metropolitan line did not run straight from the City back to Uxbridge and you had to change at Baker Street. Many a time I found myself on some part of the Circle line as I hadn't changed at Baker Street.
I also remember waking up the President of our Student Union at Uxbridge as I saw him fast asleep on the carriage of the last train.
One of the worst things about falling asleep on the tube is that most of the time you look like a complete idiot. I've seen people drooling, heard them snoring and worst of all I've seen loads of those people who insist on lying on the person next to them. Some people are very polite about it and just try to wriggle over a bit and hope that they wake up - but be warned, this does not stop the serious sleeper. What you need to do is elbow them sharply in the side and then look straight ahead. The sharp elbow will wake them up and hopefully they'll realise what they were doing and try to stay awake or at least not lean on you.
There was brilliant ad on TV a while ago about a thrush treatment of all things - saying that people leaning on you whilst they were asleep on the tube was one of life's annoying things you couldn't do much about (whereas their thrush treatment cleared up another of life's annoying things - stretching the point I know, but that's ad agencies for you!!).
