London Underground Etiquette - A Humorous Guide to Tube Rules
understand why she has to be so rude immediately and then just works herself up into such a state!
Lesson three - Don't stand so close to me!
(So said Sting when he was in the Police). Well this is also a very good tube rule, although it is sometimes impossible to do this on the underground. During the rush hour the tube is packed.
People are often standing pressed up against each other. All I can say is wear some deodorant or anti-perspirant. If you're a man, try not to let the "bouncy and exciting" effects of the tube cause you an embarrassment when you're pressed against another woman. A strategically placed briefcase works wonders here, and will save you getting your face slapped!
I once heard a tube story of a woman who was being groped by a man in a crowded tube. She picked up his hand from her rear end, held it in the air and loudly said "Does this belong to anyone, as it seems to be attached to my bottom?" The man went purple with embarrassment and slunk off the tube at the next stop.
I also have another story from overseas on the same subject:
Seventy-five per cent of women in Seoul, Korea, who responded to a recent questionnaire on the issue of groping on the underground indicated that they had indeed been victims of 'gropers'.
Violent crimes are rare in South Korea, but groping in different forms, like a men rubbing up against women or thrusting their hands under clothing are common on crowded tubes or buses.
Ninety-eight percent of respondents suggested that anti-groping signs might be a positive step. To this end signs were erected warning patrons to refrain from 'unpleasant acts of repulsive behaviour toward other passengers'. Spitting and smoking were not on the agenda.
Reproduced by kind permission of Routes, The Sequel, by Heinz Hammer.
I've never heard of a woman groping a man on the tube, but there's a good TV advertisement for a male deodorant which seems to "put the boot on the other foot". It's on my page Advertising on the Underground.
Now to counter stories about men groping women I've received an entry in my guestbook from Dom:
"You've never heard of a woman groping a man on the tube", you say. Well, here's my story: travelling across London, at Christmas time, I believe, armed with large rucksack (sorry!
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