Nature's heart of loving-kindness
It was 1995 and I was in the pit of depression. I was unable to work and my marriage was disintegrating. During that spring my wife and I attended a counsellor who attempted to help us talk through our differences. We never solved that dilemma, but I learned several important lessons from the counsellor. I particularly remember one session alone with her, my first experience of visualization, when I began drawing nature into my mind's eye as a source of healing.
I was anxious beyond words. At home I was unhappy. But on the drive to those sessions, my heart would start to race in anticipation. I was facing the most difficult questions of my life, re-evaluating my career, marriage, sexual identity and cherished values. They were huge questions indeed. But anxiety itself had become my most dreadful opponent. Faced with so much confusion, my body and mind were crumbling.
One day the counsellor told me to sit comfortably, close my eyes, and take a series of deep breaths. Then, because I was a Christian and it was a Christian counseling agency, she told me to picture in my mind a place where I could meet quietly with Jesus. It was to be a very special, peaceful place, perhaps a real place I had visited.
Surprisingly, out of the frenzy of my mind, it took me no time to choose a mental destination. I pictured the place I know that is closest to paradise, my dock on Lake Fletcher. She encouraged me to use sensory details to help recreate the image in my head. It was easy. Drawing on memories of many treasured hours, I could see morning mist rising off the surface, smell the lake's living fragrance, hear the hiss of raindrops on unruffled water, feel the purple stillness of evening fall softly around me, or watch the timeless dance of stars. I went there in an instant, felt the lawn chair underneath me, and the warmth of sun on my bare arms. That was where Jesus came to comfort and console me.
My beliefs have changed, and I understand the psychology of that experience differently. But I continue to use that kind of meditation as part of my spiritual practice. Years go by, and still I know the value of visualizing a quiet place that can calm the mind. Once we silence the clamour of life's distractions, our own subconscious minds can reveal surprising insights. I have climbed inward mountains in search of wise men, and wandered in cool forests of the soul, drawing solace from deep within myself.
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