Saying Good-bye

These have been some of the most difficult two weeks I've spent in my life. In my last column, I talked about our dear, sweet bully-boy, Harley. On Thursday, July 5th, we had to make the decision to let him go to the Rainbow Bridge. We got the diagnosis from the oncologist that it was liver cancer, and there was nothing we could do about it.

People talk about the stages of grief, I went through anger and bargaining during the long, agonizing days that we waited for a diagnosis to come from the lab. We only had a little over two years with him! It wasn't fair! Please God, let it be anything but cancer!

Once the diagnosis was made, there wasn't anything else we could do but keep him as comfortable as we could. His condition deteriorated rapidly, first not being able to eat, then he couldn't keep water down.

On Wednesday, while people were celebrating our country's birthday, we were holding back tears and taking pictures, getting in as much time with our bully-boy as we could. We made a pawprint stepping stone with his footprints in it. We held him. We told him repeatedly how much we loved him and what a good boy he was - the best dog ever. No lie there.

I didn't know if he'd even make it through Wednesday night. I got up repeatedly to check on him, laying at the foot of our bed on his "world's giantest wubbie" as we called his pink and yellow flower-shaped pillow. I'd lay my hand on his side and feel the strained rhythm of his breathing and pray that I had the strength to go through with it.

We took him in to our vet on Thursday, a little before they closed. I held Harley and told him again what a good, sweet boy he was. My husband held my son and they looked away, but I'd saved Harley's life by adopting him, and if there wasn't anything else I could do for him at least I'd be the last thing he heard and felt.

We told Joey about the Rainbow Bridge, and read him the poem. He understood better than we thought he could. When we made the decision to do it, we explained very carefully what would happen and he made the decision to be there with us when it was done. I think that helped him deal with it better than if we'd tried to sugar-coat it or not let him be a part of saying good-bye. He asked our vet questions and overall, I do not regret how we handled it.

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