Simple Pleasures: Friendship

I have neglected a very important topic, and a cornerstone of true and simple joy -- Friendship -- one of the greatest rewards for simplifying my life.

In his beautiful book, Soul Mates, Thomas Moore contemplates the nature of friendship. "Friendship . . . is an attraction and magnetism of souls. Friendships often begin in a soulful way through the workings of fate." He adds, "It is as though souls recognize the hidden treasure in each other and forge the alliance . . . "

Recently, I have had several opportunities to reflect upon my friendships. One such opportunity was a recent celebration with a few close friends. I thought about how I had met each one, and truly there had been a "recognition" or a sense of kinship when I met each one of these special people. Our interests aren't necessarily all the same, and we're all at various points in our worldly careers and in child-rearing. We have come from different backgrounds and different parts of the country. Yet we have laughed together, cried together, celebrated and mourned together through the years. Their presence in my life is a golden thread that weaves through my thoughts, prayers, and heart.

At times in the past, I have felt like I was too "busy" -- with medical and psychiatric training, getting married, traveling, and writing. And I have very keenly felt a lack of connection during those times. When I began to simplify my life a little and began writing down those things that are most meaningful at a soul level, friendships ranked very near the top of that list. When I questioned how much time I actually spent with my friends, I found that I spent too little, though I was always thinking about it.

As I simplify my life, I am able to enjoy my friends more often and to help nurture those friendships that are most meaningful.

I've been asked that question a number of times, and I never really have a good answer. Any answer I give sounds vague or trite. I think that's because what matters in friendships is not so much what you talk about but what lies underneath the conversation. That undertone is what friends hear when they listen to each other. Perhaps it is the soul's voice.

Answering the question is difficult because of another characteristic of friendship. Friends just like to spend time together. They feel comfortable and uninhibited, unjudged, encouraged when they are together. There is a comfort at almost a soul-mate level. Moore, in Soul Mates, feels that "We may find a soul partner in many different forms of relationship", including friendship. In fact, friendship may lend itself to a "soul partner" relationship more readily than other alliances because, as Moore says, "Friends, unlike families, have no claim on each other to live in certain ways."

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