Letting Go

So you've gotten a toxic person out of your life. Or, maybe a relationship has ended. Either way, losing a person, not to death, can be somewhat traumatic. Regardless of what that person has done to you, or why the relationship ended, there is still work inside of you to be done. If you're having problems "letting go" or "getting over it", here are some tips to help.

Let me start by relaying a very personal story, because I'm in the process of letting go.

In a nutshell, I lost my best friend more than a year ago. She betrayed me, lightly put. Although I know I'm making strides, I still feel like I can't get over the fact that she's gone. My situation is a bit different than most because I didn't want her out of my life, but she did something truly, knowingly hurtful. At first, I wanted her back. I have known for many months that I do not want her back in my life, but still feel lonely because of the friend I lost.

I've found that realizing you don't want the person in your life is first. That helps you break off the toxic relationship, or in my case, try to get over what she did to me. After that, it was clear that she was not the type of person I wanted in my life. I could no longer trust her.

The second thing that helped me occurred more recently. I wrote her a letter, letting her know all of my feelings. And letting her know that I forgive her. Do I completely forgive her? No way. But, in accordance with Christianity, which is something important to me, I had to. I also knew that forgiving her was essential for me to move on. A letter is a good way to get out all of your feelings, and get your "last words" in. I never had the chance to in my case, so writing that letter helped. I wrote it. Slept on it. Revised it, and dropped it off at her house without seeing her. In many ways, I'd say that's when I healed the most, because it helped me feel in control. For so long, her decision to betray me, and not to talk to me afterwards (and never to call to fight for our friendship back) left me powerless. It was never about control in our relationship, but I realized I had to do something and I didn't want her friendship back. Still, I needed to heal.

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