Communication Boundaries

Communication. No matter how good or bad we are at it, it still pops up in our lives often. That's why it can never hurt to enhance our skills. After all, these skills are what in turn will make our relationships better.

Dr. Clare Albright published her Top 10 tips for maintaining healthy boundaries in communication - and they touch upon all aspects of this important issue. Here are five of them that I found most useful.

1. Monitor the "communication culture" of your home and your work.

Is gossip the norm? Is sarcasm and insensitivity the norm? "If so, it's time to take a stand and to shift to a higher level of sensitivity and respect," Albright says.

Recently, I personally found myself in a new environment that supports healthy, non-gossipy communication. A new job! Healthier, yes. But do I feel the loss of gossip? Yes! That's because it's not being positively reinforced each day, which is a plus!

2. Allow the people who will be affected by the decisions that you make to have a part in giving you feedback about your decision before your decision is final.

Relationships are about giving and sharing. So this shouldn't be new news!

3. Shift what you are doing if a situation makes you feel that you are communicating from a child role or from a parent role.

Excellent communicators maintain an adult/adult equality in their communication style with their peers.

When you notice it creeping in, stop and repword whatever you were saying, using the language of responsibility. "I was too sick to call my mom" can be changed to "I was sick and I made a decision to wait until I was feeling better to wish my mom a belated happy birthday."

4. Follow through on your declarations of what you say you are going to do.

People will view you as dependable and trustworthy if you stick to your word. But if you have a pattern of changing your mind at the last minute, people may not feel the same. Instead, prioritize so you can stick to committments.

5. Share negative emotions only in person or on the phone.

E-mails, answering machine messages, and notes are too impersonal for the delicate nature of negative words.

"What feels like a bomb on paper may feel like a feather when delivered in person," Albright says. And in today's technology age, this is an important tip!

Good or bad. We can't measure our communication skills. But we can always improve!

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