Lonely, In Love

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional! This advice just comes from my heart. Feel free to agree, disagree or what not. Also, start a discussion in the discussion section of the home page to talk about it.

Dear Kristen,

I saw your ad to ask for advice. So here I am.

I am in love with this girl Melissa. We began working together last July. She had just moved to California from Nevada. We instantly became good friends, though she had a boyfriend.

Time went on, we'd hang out a few times a week, her boyfriend was still in school in Colorado. It was like I was her boyfriend, but there was no physical contact.

The day after, she slept over my house after a party and crept into my room. She kissed me.

She said she just did it to see if she felt anything, and that she didn't.

It was odd for a while, but we continued to hang out. Our cycle was that I'd tell her I wanted more, she said let me take the summer off and meet guys, and maybe in the fall.

In the meantime, I dated three other girls, but none were like her.

Now she's been dating all these surfer dudes and I see she's changed. Why does she want to get hurt by these jerks.

I keep telling her I want to be with her, but she says no. I know I'm pushing her away. If I have to be her friend and watch her date these guys, I just can't do that. But, everytime I back off, she comes around and leads me on.

Please help me. This chick is totally ruining my mind, because I love what she used to be. I've never felt this way before, and I don't know if I should just back off and call it quits.

Bob K------

Dear Bob,

It sounds like you are in love with what she used to be.

If you back off and tell her you just don't want to be friends, it leaves you as the "jerk" even though I doubt you are!

If you continue to be friends, you're stuck wondering who she's with, what she's doing with other guys, etc.

Obviously, you have every right to feel torn.

If you really care about this girl and truly love who she is, you have to give her space. That's easy to point out. The question is, what do you do when you're together, hanging out as friends?

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